Communication In Marriage

           Relationshielationship at whatever level is an integral part of human existence. If properly and carefully managed makes every defined-union especially marital relationship cordial and smooth. It makes such a union worthy of emulation, lasting and trusted. Every relationship that lacks basic and fundamental requirement as the above will be nothing short of a shadow of the reality called relationship. However, I would like to reiterate that in every relationship, be it marriage or otherwise, there are certain elements that must be present to make it lively and memorable. One of such elements is “good communication.” Any relationship where there is no good communication is bound to collapse sooner than it started. Through communication messages are passed from one person to another, feelings are expressed, opinions are transmitted and misunderstanding settled. Communication is the hub of every good relationship because it enhances harmonious, cordial and smooth understanding to ensure that no bitterness, disaffection or disunity exist to inhibit the joy and blessing that such persons especially couples should enjoy. As vital and as inevitable as communication is in human relationship; it is disheartening to know that a lot of people are not skilful, patient, conscious and meticulous in choosing the words they use while communicating to one another. Marriage is even worse hit with this anomaly. Knowing how injurious the usage of wrong words could be to anyone; the word of God admonishes every believer to ensure that his or her words are ‘seasoned with salt in order to minister grace to the hearer.’ If everyone imbibes this advise and couples in particular ensure that they are not overtaken by unchecked emotional outbursts there will be little or no acrimony borne out of constant misuse of words. I have discovered that the bane of many couples’ protracted squabbles is the use of unguarded words borne out of suspicion, unforgiveness, unnecessary rivalry and pride. While endeavouring to broker peace among many couples, it is disheartening to know that the words that proceed from their mouths against each other as if they have been enemies from their mothers’ wombs; were usually derogatory and despicable even when they still claim to be born again Christians.           
         Many of us are bad communicators. Incidentally, most painful is the fact that a lot of us think that we are good communicators but, conversely, we are very bad communicators. In spite of the fact that words are usually not properly managed to transmit soothing and impressive feelings; so many of us do not make the slightest effort to evaluate our words and actions to enable us make necessary corrections and be able to communicate well. Rather, we blame each other for everything and refuse to accept faults. It is pertinent to note that communication could make or mar any relationship if caution is thrown to the wind. Dear reader, in terms of communication who are you as a communicator? Are you a good communicator or a bad one? The following are the different stages of communication that everyone who yearns for a smooth, blissful and lasting relationship must endeavour to accomplish. This is not and should not be treated as mere scholastic message but should be treated with every sense of seriousness as it will gender unabated peace and tranquillity among married couples in particular and in every other relationship in general.

           STAGES OF COMMUNICATION:
For effective communication from person to person, from a husband to his wife, friends, relations and to whomever one interacts with at any given time; there are six basic stages that must be adhered to such as. It would seem as if these basic communication In Marriage steps are not necessary for couple’s communication. But, suffice to say that, these stages are not just for academic purposes. To enhance couples’ relationship and keep them in perpetual unity to enable them develop the ability to turn their temperamental differences into challenges that will sharpen their attitudes towards one another; they need to imbibe the stages meticulously. To buttress this, I would like to mention that couples who have been able to overcome avoidable trivialities that have crumbled a lot of families are those who have carefully taken cognizance of the under listed stages are applied same to their daily interactions:-
1. Conceiving the Message;
2. Encoding the Message;
3. Choosing an appropriate channel;
4. Decoding the message;
5. Interpreting the Message; and
6. Feedback.
Therefore, in context with this write up, for effective, harmonious, blissful and unbiased relationship among couples the six stages above are imperative and must be used conscientiously and religiously. To enhance clarity and ease of understanding familiar words or languages must be used always.
         Conceiving The Message:
The heart is the human engine room where thoughts and feelings are processed either for good or bad; hence the word of God admonished that we should guard our hearts diligently because out of it comes out the issues of life.’ Since the heart is so hidden that no other person apart from its owner could fathom its content to some extent apart from the Lord God who created it, it is through the verbal, non-verbal or written expressions that the state of the heart is revealed at every point in time. To some extent, however, feelings and expressions could be misconstrued. Nevertheless, it is pertinent that every conceived message is properly processed before it is voiced. On the other hand, if the communication is weak and full of incongruities it were better the relationship never existed in the first place.
        No matter how sudden it is for a person to transmit an opinion, idea, feeling or instruction, he must of necessity conceive the message. While the process of conceiving may either require a fast or slow action to give a quick response or to convey an urgent message; the information must be conveyed in an understandable manner in a familiar language. More often than not, a lot of people are not discreet and skilful at the process and conveyance of their intended messages. It is either that the language used is unfamiliar to the receiver or that it is ambiguous; hence feedbacks in most cases result in total deviation from the message. In communication, the way a message is conceived and eventually transmitted is critical to its effectiveness and accurate feedback. In marriage, where communication between couples is more or less daily, it is vital to ensure that harmony, understanding and decorum are considered before and through the process of communicating with each other. Distortion between what was intended and what was conceived has caused avoidable damages in a lot of marriages and relationships generally. In this regard, the Bible admonishes that every word spoken by a child of God should be seasoned with salt to minister grace to the hearer. In other words, every message should be so conveyed in a manner that it is easily understood, interpreted and accurate feedback transmitted to the sender.
         Encoding The Message:
The sender must of necessity choose the language familiar to the recipient having considered especially his or her level of education. The process of encoding involves careful selection of appropriate words which will make the message simple for the receiver to understand without distortion. This process sifts out of the mind of the sender unfamiliar language and enables him or her to choose the right ones. For example, the language may take the form of a sympathetic expression, conveyance of gratitude, empathy or a carefully written letter or report. Since the success of the message depends fully upon the choice of a correct language, it is therefore, very important that the sender examines his or her message meticulously before sending. It is pertinent to reiterate that a lot of us are bad communicators yet we arrogate to ourselves the status of good communicators. On the verge of distorted communication or negative feedbacks the sender should evaluate his or her approach before apportioning blame to the recipient. Rather the common thing is for the sender to claim that he or she has communicated very well without even making the slightest attempt to correct the situation.       
              Moreover, everyone has the ability to interpret messages they either read, hear or see by way of gesticulation. The correct or incorrect interpretation will depend on how the message was transmitted in tandem with the understanding of the recipient. If the message is ambiguous, it is obvious that its interpretation will be distorted. Without mincing words, it is a common feature among couples to take each other for granted and speak consciously, unconsciously or carelessly to the detriment of