Loving Somebody Is A Choice Not Just A Feeling

Love does not require perfection, but it does require effort.

            Love is one of the most difficult things to understand. People claim to fall in and out of it all the time like it is the arbitrary hole. However, I don't think that is truly what love is about. Love means sacrifice, commitment, compassion, and making a choice to love another person.

            This may sound harsh but even with the love of your life there are going to be days where you think to yourself "they are driving me insane." I know, it shocked me too. I had this picture in my head that when you found the right one and truly loved them then you would feel this giddy love every single minute of every day. But that is just not reality, and it is just not how it works. There are days that I have to choose to love him on his good days and his bad days because love is not defined by performance. Don't get me wrong spending everyday of your life with the love of your life and your best friend is the greatest gift. Even on the worst day, I would not trade it for the world.

            I have never understood somebody being in a long relationship and walking away and saying that they just fell out of love with that person. If you have resolved to love somebody and pursue them no matter what then you can't just fall out of love, because you never fell in it. You chose to be there. This is one of the reasons that divorce rates are so high in my opinion. People have forgotten that your feelings are not what calls the shots. If you are pursuing the person in your life constantly then you do not have time to look around at other people or become uncommitted. One of my favorite movies, Fireproof, says "A woman is like a rose. If you treat her right she will grow, and if not she will wilt." I think this applies to relationships as a whole, and not just women. If you are continually working to improve your relationship it will grow. If you neglect it and turn your back on it, then it will wilt and die. This doesn't happen due to feelings, it happens because people make a choice to pursue a growing relationship or to pursue other things.

            This task is difficult. Simple, but difficult. Society has now told people that if a relationship doesn't "work" throw it away and try again. People now seem to have this vision that love and marriage are easy. In fact, they are really really difficult at times. It takes a lot of work to make a relationship last, and be successful. It takes learning the other person's differences and quirks. It takes adapting to sharing your life with somebody. It takes being very vulnerable. This last part is where I seem to fail. I am the "i'm fine" person. The "don't worry I've got it" person. It has taken a while for me to realize I don't have to be okay all the time and I don't have to have it all together all the time. He loves me on my best days and my worst and when I don't "have it" he does.

            This is so cliche and I know that but love is really beautiful. Seeing my grandparents who have been married for 50+ years is something that I admire and I love. They still love each other today probably more than they did the day they got married. I love hearing stories of the weeks and months when times were tough. It wasn't easy for them. However, they resolved to love God and love each other and they never gave up on that. Love doesn't require perfection, it requires effort.